Earlier this year I purchased 5 books, one of them was “The Gentle Discipline Book.”
The Gentle Discipline Book: How to raise co-operative, polite and helpful children Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
I like the fact that almost anything imaginable has been written.
In the course of trying to know how to communicate and raise kids better, I resolved to getting a copy of this book.
This book has made me aware of certain things I did not know when it has to do with dealing with kids.
For instance, it explored their psychology, their behaviours, their hierarchy of needs, what parent expect from kids that are not realistic and many other aspects.
You will be surprised to know that most things that worries you about your kids are quite common with kids generally.
Raising kids can be challenging but it good to know that we are alone.
I like to read or research stuffs, so I knew there is no way I will not read from experts regarding raising better kids and all that it entails.
Before I went for this book one of my major concern was communication with kids.
If there is a way of doing it by mere talking and both parties happy and satisfied at the end why not?
Why spank and stress if there are better options?
I am the type that can be strict sometimes but I want to get it right with kids.
I want to strick a balance and raise a reasonable, well behaved and not spoilt child.
Can I achieve it without engaging in a physical combat with a child?
This book has helped me a lot.
It is just one of those books you read and go back to for references.
Oh! I forgot to add I’m aware of “do not spare the rod and spoil the child.”
To be honest, most people use those lines to suit them.
So over to you now.
What book have you read lately?
Endeavour to read good books, not just gossips blogs or tweets. I mean try reading something long and engaging.
Reading is good for your brain and personal development ☺️
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Kids at some points in their life would touch certain parts of their body. Adults need to guide them and teach them about their body including their genitals. Freud’s psychosexual stages of development explains this.
This is a sensitive post please!!! It is a long post too. Please, grab a cup of your favourite drink and chill.
Are you aware that a child can freely touch any part of their body?
Are you are aware that kids are innocent?
So, why would they touch their head or hand or nose you do nothing BUT when they touch their genitals your spank them?
Ok. Let’s start properly. Some weeks ago I read a post in a group regarding a parent concerned about her 6yrs old behaviour.
It happened that she noticed that from age 2 and half her girl would touch her genital but she tends to do it often now and mainly when she is asleep. She had spanked her a lot and got tired of spanking and needed advice.
Most (98%) of the advice were: She is possessed It is evil spirit Send her to your pastor She needs to see man of God She needs to be circumcised She has an infection
I read those comments and was furious. Below was my response:
“Sorry to hear about this disturbing behaviour in your little one.
Let’s discuss this.
Children being aware of their genitals is not abnormal.
Touching herself is normal for her age.
However it is the consistency of the act that matters.
Kids explores a lot. For some, once they are aware, they will keep indulging till you talk them off it. It is a phase.
Instead of hitting her bum and telling her to stop, try having a chat with her.
Ask her why she does it?
How she feels?
Tell her why you want her to stop it.
If you haven’t had a chat with her regarding her private part, then this is the time too.
It is private. No one should touch it.
Please, kids exploring their private part is common.
It is part of their psychosocial development.
I will like you to read about Freud’s 5 stages of development.
It discusses this in details. Whilst the theory isn’t scientifically proven it gives you an idea of what goes on as a child develops.
There is nothing spiritually wrong with your child.
Do not touch or do anything to her clitoris.
Do make sure you monitor what she watches, simply to ensure she does not watch porn related contents.
Make sure no form of abuse is going on.
While washing pay attention.
Otherwise, this is a phase that you need to address.
The act is not the problem, it is the frequency or habit that you mentioned.
Talk to her.
This is not about beating.
She will definitely stop.
You can reach out to me.” . . Why I’m I making you aware of this?
I want you to treat kids as innocent creatures they are.
Do not judge them with adult dirty minds.
If they touch a part and feel pleasure or soothing why won’t they indulge in it?
Kids suck thumbs, suck tongues and more to self soothe.
As an adult, start as early as you can to teach kids about their genitals.
Engage them in conversation. Let them know it is a private part. They shouldn’t play with it and no one else should touch it.
Act just like you would to any habit you do not want them to get used to.
Keep practicing for as long as you can till they are grown enough to understand.
They learn quickly. Try it.
So long as you keep talking and explaining to them, they will listen to you.
You might end up begging them to open up during bath times because they are practicing what you taught them.
I was surprised to know the number of people giving the same advise.
Different people liked my comments. I then saw a few comments from people that had same views.
Please, put your phone and data to good use.
For health issues, seek health information on recognised health websites. Not just Google. Any body can post any thing online, it doesn’t mean they are right as the information is not from an expert.
If you live in advanced country, the health or information helpline and sites are there. What I normally advise anyone in the under developed/developing countries is to have a doctor or registered nurse ‘s contact.
Know when to reach out to them for health or kids related advice.
Just so you know, I am a critical care nurse. During the course of my training and till now, I have learnt a whole lot. I studied midwifery too, so I know about kids.
Please read the psychosexual stages of development by Freud. It will help you understand your kids better.
Before you spank a child, have you tried talking to them why you think they shouldn’t carrying out a specific act you dislike?
Please, do not intentionally or ignorantly harm a child you should be guiding.
Your role is to guide them, protect them and teach them.
Do not expose them to unnecessary torture or strangers in the name of deliverance.
Do not cause problems for them.
It is ok not to know much about kids BUT know the right people and places to seek help.
No doubt parenting can be hard. No one knew it all prior having kids. Simply be open to learn and understand these little creatures better.
They are innocent (sorry I want to stress this part).
Endeavour to guide them right.
Let’s say you are wondering, “Oh but my child never touched their private part…”
They all did and would do. Do you know why?
It is part of their psychosexual development. It is possible the times they had explored it only the person closer to them noticed.
So how close are you to them?
Would I argue with you? No please.
The good thing is, this is only a phase and they will outgrow it.
If you are considering an opportunity for fully funded study in the UK, this is for you.
Have you heard about the ongoing Chevening Scholarship?
There is Chevening scholarship available in different countries and there is Chevening in Nigeria
They are open for applications until 2 November 2021. So, you’ve got ample time to prepare but start now.
What is included? As a fully-funded programme, the award includes namely:
– University tuition fees – Monthly stipend – Travel costs to and from the UK – Arrival allowance – Homeward departure allowance – The cost of one visa application – A travel grant to attend Chevening events in the UK
I have read or heard about that severally. I have seen elderly people say they never wanted kids. In fact, an elderly neighbour of over 30years never had kids.
One day while we met outside, she looked at my child and admired her.
“She is adorable. You lot are trying I never wanted one. I can’t give them the life they desire”, she said.
“One has to do what they can as a parent. I do not think I owe them an arm and a leg as a parent”, I responded and laughed.
She told me that every child deserves the best. I simply agreed with her and we ended the chat and parted ways.
Like I had said, she was old, possibly in her 70’s and not so well but those were her views about having kids. I had known her husband when he was alive. I admired how they held hands and walked side by side each time they were out.
If I were to have this conversation with a younger person I would have argued more. We would have discussed further in details.
In my opinion, it is a great idea thinking of giving kids the best.
Like if you can do that, why not?
They are yours and they deserve it and more.
However, one can only give what they have. This implies that you can give the best of what you already have.
For instance, some families can afford holiday to any destination of their choice while some can only afford a quality family time to a local eatery or park.
Do what you can please. Be happy and contented.
I believe they are no set rules for parenting and these kids do not come with manuals🤣
While these create beautiful memories for kids and are needed I do not think it makes any child better than the other.
Kids will develop well, play and be creative regardless of luxury.
On a different note, I met someone at work who had a very different view regarding why she wouldn’t want to have kids.
She publicly mentioned it while we were all talking and having a laugh. I approached her later as I wanted to know more.
She believes she can’t look after a child. She thinks she wouldn’t have their time.
Her mother had her and left her with her granny while she pursued her career. She didn’t have any bond with her mum and had only lost her granny some years back.
According to her, she knew she would not be bothered with having a child to care for and all that. She was only 22years old and was preparing herself for sterilisation.
Sterilisation will means she enjoys her life freely without any fear of pregnancy that could lead to birthing babies.
Let me not bother you with the details of our chat. This young girl’s mind was made up.
Is it possible that her mother has failed her?
If her mum were there for her would she had reasoned differently?
Unfortunately, I can understand why some people have personal reasons why they wouldn’t want to have kids.
Yet there are those who do not think about the kids they already birthed.
There are those that simply have babies believing that God gives.
There are those that believe that relatives, friends or the society will help raise their kids.
This world we live is in truly great. I wouldn’t say unfair.
*****
Why this story?
Be a good parent. Even if that is the only thing you are good at.
Be the best you can.
Those dependents of yours rely greatly on you
Live for them
Model for them
Be there for them
You have a responsibility
You are their influencer
You are their first school and foundation in life.
We need a better society filled with individuals with good heads on their shoulders. Do your bit please🙏
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Even when privileged When you are superior When you think you need no one but you When you think the earth revolves around you Stay humble
No matter what life throws at you No matter what you are going through No matter how rough the situation appears No matter how lost you think you are Stay humble
There is nothing in this life that should make you look down on others.
It is important that you do not take people’s their kind gestures forgranted.
Someone you look down today might be your saviour tomorrow.
I want to encourage any hardworking lady who is yet to find love. This piece is written specifically for those who feel pressured too. I want you to know that you are doing great. You don’t need to be unhappy with yourself because you haven’t found someone yet.
In fact, celebrate yourself. Invest more in yourself, work harder. Earning your own money is a bonus. Invest as much as you can. Do not think otherwise. This is the only phase of your life you will be thinking of no one else but you.
At times, we don’t seem to have it all figured out. You would be surprised how many homes dealing with what you can’t even tolerate in a relationship. My point is you do not need to be hard on yourself, you can pull this. Chin up!
Regarding relationships, know the things you hold in high esteem and you can forgo or patch up the rest. There are people out there who love you the way you are. You are someone’s spec.
Even the married ones are still learning and unlearning. I wouldn’t talk much on the spiritual aspect but you have to get this sorted too. Do the needful and trust God.
Do give relationships your best till you get what you desire. Relationships needs your time too. Everyone deserved to be loved whole heartedly.
When you pray about it, do your very best, I don’t see you not getting it right. Time will tell.
No relationship or marriage is 💯% perfect.
We are all work in progress. People who want it to work are consciously and very intentionally making it to work. More like saying nurture relationships or love, if not so vice versa.
Nowadays, numerous people are running away from discussing sensitive topics. However, you do not need to suffer in silence. You will be amazed the kind of support you will get when you confide in someone you trust or a professional.
In the meantime, so long as you haven’t decided to be a nun, wedding bells will ring someday. Maybe sooner than you’d imagined.
Education have always been important and is still valid. It remains valuable. The extant number of successful businesses does not entail we disregard education.
Do not feel that you can simply go into trading and forgo higher education. Let it be known that you deeply desire for it and for some reasons beyond your control you couldn’t pull it through. That simply means that when things get better studying further will top your to do lists.
You can not go wrong with more education. Worst scenario, you end up in a field different from what you studied or you venture into business.
Whatever situation it is, education is always applicable. You already have friends, have the sound knowledge to represent your brand when required.
Do not allow anyone tell you “education is scam” because it is not true. That you are doing well in business does not mean you disregard education or talk people off it.
Education opens doors.
Education can take you intentional.
Education paves way for growth.
There’s more to education people.
If you are wealthy and think you are already made, you need it for better understanding of what your managers (your employees) do for you.
Businesses do require in-depth knowledge and elements of research (if not thorough research).
It is better you have the degree and work in a different field (unconsciously applying some of the knowledge) than not have it at all.
Permit me to say that most of the richest people that are known to the world have degrees. I wouldn’t bore you with those that went as far as having PhD.
I was having a chat with a friend the other day before you know it we were talking about clubbing. Boom! Is clubbing a sin or not, came up.
Here is the thing, in the club, no one praises God or dances to glorify God. People are almost naked or wear revealing clothes. Nothing Godly happens in that environment. I’m I lying?
People get drunk, drugged and all sorts. The drink and substances take the blame for consequent actions; regardless of whether they are intentional or not. Let’s assume the later.
I will like to remind us that none of those acts are limited to clubbing alone because they can be done inside and outside the club too.
At a point in our conversation, she was like “ I can go there just to watch, I don’t drink or smoke, just to have fun with friends that’s it.”
“Hey! That’s not a fellowship Sis.” I responded.
Do you know just watching can be a form of sin on its own. You heard me. It is a sin to watch certain contents, watching such can equally lead to sin.
Sin is sin regardless of how you rationalise it. That you involve in certain acts you feel it is ok to do does not make it any thing less of a sin.
Similarly, few years ago, that was how I found myself discussing with several people who think it is ok to be pregnant before marriage. Like, I had these conversations with different men and women. Seriously, how do you play God?
Ok, you eventually have twin pregnancy, does that validate marriage? Now, fertility expert with a baby! Have you heard of secondary infertility? What if that child (s) dies? Please, lets have the right mindset and a good foundation. Always, place God above all things.
When things don’t feel right, they are not right. For instance,
Just like one can intentionally lie
Just like one can intentionally fornicate
Just like one can intentionally commit adultery
Just like one can intentionally exploit people. The list is endless.
If you find yourself guilty of certain sins, seek help, read the scripture, guard your heart, know those you mingle with. Be disciplined. These things can not be over emphasised. Guard your soul. Join a prayer group to lift your soul; you need help to get better.
However, no matter what the situation is, desist from encouraging others to follow your steps or mask your actions. That you find yourself regularly committing same acts of sin does not purify it or makes it pleasing to God.
That you have been guilty of an act doesn’t mean can not preach it.
When you pray, do ask for the gift of discernment.
Remember, God is spirit. So, you do not know your case in the spiritual world.
Please, if you read some of my posts and feel concerned, you can directly reach out to me here or on different social media platforms. If it affects you that means my writing is relevant as I write about lives and you are human.
Disclaimer: I am on journey to be a better person and serve God better. I am a sinner. The fact that I sin does not make me twist God’s word to suit me. Sin is sin regardless.
Hi Friends, when was the last time you read a good book? I mean you reading this now. I’m talking about a very good book.
Tebogo did a great job here. To think that I know someone this talented amazes me. You will be blown away by his writing style. You don’t want to miss this book. Get a copy and thank me later.
I will like to introduce you to the latest book “The Diary of a Liberal Black Woman. In this book, the author takes you on a very steamy turbulent adventure of Pule and Sakhi.
You need a copy. Buy for your friends. This novel can make a wonderful gift for adults especially couples, lovers. It is not for under 16’s please.
