Category: Life experiences

Your analysis could be irrelevant.

There are times we seem to worry a lot whereas all we need to do is simply forge ahead.

Although, certain level of anxiety is normal in the sense that they guide us rightly, we may have noticed we are better off without it. Besides, we function effectively when less tensed.

Well, I have observed that there are moments that what we have actually calculated to be an outcome as humans totally take a different turn.

Perhaps, all we need to do is simply do our bit and leave the rest. The words are ” play your own part” and the remainder falls in place. Moreover, always live a happy life.

It was on a Mothering Sunday

It was on a Mothering Sunday. The mass celebration was wonderful, with the lovely and gripping sermon by the Priest.

He highlighted many aspects of our lives where a mother’s role seems so incomparable and many more useful tips. Mothers were all dressed in their immaculate white blouses and blue diocesan attire. There were lots of of activities for the day like Women match past, football among others.

During the thanksgiving procession they was so much noise in the church due to women wandering about, talking to friends and exchanging greetings as well. It was such a sensational atmosphere watching proud Mothers parading with their various gifts  in dazzling and expensive accessories. The women’s to-match spoke for itself. They all looked adorable.

It was during this time that I spotted a little girl that was so quiet unlike other kids that were thrilled by the busy environment. Church time lasted two hours longer but eventually came to an end by leading into the occasion of the day.

The main occasion kicked off with introduction of the members of the high table and the usual introductory protocols.  I sat at an extreme corner because I wanted to watch  few of the events before going home.

I spotted the same girl again but this time I walked up to her and sat beside her. She stood up to leave but I made her understand that I do not bite and we sat together like friends. I gave her some minutes before I started chatting her up.

She reluctantly told me her name and either nods or shakes her head to whatever I say. I was surprised why she was here alone and does not want to go home but preferred to mope at rejoicing mothers and people.

I asked if her mother was present and she said no. I tactfully made her loosen up and had to understand her mood when she began talking to me.

Her mother was at home and have decided not to come to church because for some reasons, she cannot and does not have the uniform and would not like to watch her fellow women exhibiting. It brings her mother sad memories and being that she cannot withstand that, she chose not to appear in church.

‘What of your Dad,’ I asked. She shook her and nodded almost at same time.
‘Is he alive?’ She nodded. I was delighted to know he is not dead after all.

From what I made out, she lives with her mother and had other siblings which do not stay with them. She does not seem to know say much about her Father.  Perhaps, she decided not to say much about him.

Did your mother ask you to join her and stay at home?
Yes, but I did not want to stay at home on  a Sunday.

That was exactly the kind of response I was willing to hear.  I cheered her and told her that I like her courage. However, I probed further to hear the whole story because they come in pieces and am yet to fully understand it all.

She was not happy watching others while her own mother was at home and she felt so helpless about it.The fact that she does not know when it is going to stop bothers her too. She added that the previous celebrations have not been easy for them. She and her Mother would sit together while they watch other mothers display. She could tell her mother was not so happy but had to fake laughs and smile with other women as they both watched celebrating mothers.

At home, they would have fun and she usually prepares her a special meal for her but  the church part becomes the enemy owing to the displays.

I felt for her and wished there was something speedy I could do to ensure that in the subsequent celebration her mother would be participating like her mates…If wishes were horses…  I sighed.

I asked her if I can meet her Mum and she begged me not to think of it that she would not be happy to know that she have been discussing family with a total stranger.

I tried to see if I can be friends with her and probably see some other time and she accepted. Although, she said they occasionally worship in our parish.

I wanted to spend more time with her as her mood have taken a brighter turn but I have already overstayed and needed to go home.

I walked her towards the bus-stop where she boarded a bus and I went home.

My thoughts

I never knew Mothering Sunday could be a nightmare to any Mother or for a family.

If only this woman knew the impact of her actions on her child; physically and psychologically, she would have thought of something better.

Well, I feel for this woman too because she must have been going through a lot but I am certain she is not handling it well.

I wonder which troubles her the more; could it be the main reason for not being able to identify with this organisation in the Church or having to watch her mates display…?

Woman I Met on a Bus

 

It was a journey of about six hours but due to the traffic, stops and bad roads, it lasted longer than required.  I was travelling to Lagos from the east, Onitsha to be precise. Without wasting much time many passengers bordered the luxurious bus and the journey began.

A friend had warned me earlier about the ill-occurrences that take place on the roads especially around this time of the year and encouraged me to fly rather than using the roads. He listed many cases of theft, rape and killings happening on the highway lately. Funny enough, a relative said a similar thing to me. I thought about the time and inconvenience regarding getting myself to the nearest airport which is in Owerri and far from my hometown. Meanwhile, I have already made arrangement with a local Driver to travel with him on that day.
So, bearing all these on my mind I decided to pray as long as I can throughout the journey. I said the rosary and kept repeating it till I lost count of how many decades I had actually said. However, I recall a woman sitting beside me kept staring at me and later joined me. Surprisingly to her,  she has completed five decades and am still reciting mine. She glanced at me once more and gently folded her rosary and put it inside her bag.
When we got to Benin, there was a brief stop; time for Lunch, stretching and restroom. Few minutes later, we got back to the bus. I was holding my rosary once more but this time I was interrupted. She asked ‘are you still praying?’  and I answered ‘yes’. She didn’t go further and I then asked her if anything was the problem that I can actually talk.
Huh! That was how I said bye bye to my marathon prayer session, not knowing I have said enough to see me through the journey. Hahaha!
She asked me where am from?
       My family,what I studied, my job…
       My relationship status…
       My plans for the future…
And I answered very well. Yes! Honest answers.
It was during this question time that I really noticed the personality sitting beside me. This woman was so lovely. Her looks, height, stature and the way she talked can be likened to that of one of my favorite aunt( Aunt Dora),and I mentioned that to her too.
I noticed that in between talks her husband calls came in and they kept making jokes about how he was missing her and how he was going to leave before time to make sure he doesn’t keep her waiting after the long journey. If my guess is right, she should be in her mid-fifties or there-about, am not that wonderful in guessing ages right by mere looks. She had been away for a week to look after her mother-in-law.

It was now her turn to do most of the talking. She told me to never underestimate prayers and went on and told me how God has been faithful to her.  I was very lucky to have such a caring man as a husband and from her persistent phone calls, their love remained evergreen. She smiled and said that she deserved it, that marriage is not as easy as it looks.

Back in her teens as a student, she mistakenly fell pregnant for a man that showered her with lots of gifts and promised her marriage. Initially, she was worried that her parents would not be happy and she would like to complete her secondary school education first. It was actually her first time of having sex and she got trapped. It made her see her whole dream of better life crumbling before her. When she broke the news to the man he wasn’t even surprise and told her where she would go for an abortion and made the necessary arrangements. She was shocked but did not allow him know how she felt.

She started praying to God, made all sorts of promises if she happens to come out alive after going under the knife and still be fertile. That day came and pass. At the clinic she got to know that her lover was a regular,  always bringing in different girls. She never contacted him again and that was how their story ended. She told no one about it, not even her mother or close friends. And has not mentioned it to her loving husband, who sees her as the best.

On completion of her studies, she went on holiday and met a man that couldn’t take his eyes off her. He has already met her Uncle and made his intentions clear, so it was not hideous this time, though she was yet to tell her parents. Her parents consented when they heard about it, traditional marriage rites were carried out and she took in for this man. Her parents were not happy as they wanted it to be after the impending white wedding as they were staunch Catholics but she was overjoyed knowing that her womb was not damaged after-all.   The religious perspective meant nothing to her, knowing her ordeal. She then left her family house and joined her husband.

Later, they had a white wedding following her delivery. Her husband trained her in the University and she now owns a Secondary School in Lagos. They are blessed with Three boys.

In regards to her loving husband, she said they have been very supportive of each other. According to her, some years back her marriage was not that lovely as it is now. There was a time her husband kept late nights and talked to her like she meant nothing to him. She was confused but never allowed that affect her work because she needed to be there for her kids no matter what. She sought advice and got different versions but only an Elderly woman encouraged her to be herself and should still care for her husband and not even raise her voice towards him. It was so difficult for her and most times she ended up challenging her husband because she is human and as it was in tune with advice from other numerous sources.

Her situation got worse and close friends were becoming aware of her condition. She got tired of complaining to any one. She ran into the same old woman who wanted to know how she was faring and she told her how her marriage has deteriorated and how she was not able to do exactly as she told her. The woman told her that she never said it was going to be very easy but that was all she needed to do to redeem her marriage. She made her understand that with such attitude and prayer her husband will come back to his senses soon while hostility will drive him further away and make him jump to conclusions.

Amidst these trial period, she loved and missed her husband. She pulled herself together and this time took this woman’s advice wholeheartedly. She welcomes him, be it midnight or 2 am, helps him remove his clothes, if he is willing to eat fine, if he isn’t, she will gently send her food back to the kitchen. She continued this way and was almost getting used to the routine, when her husbands character gradually started changing as though it was magic. He began chatting her up and coming home on time, till one day he was able to narrate to her how another woman almost destroyed their marriage.

She explained to me how her husband would prefer to borrow money from outsiders for business to make her see him as man of the house but those days are gone with the wind as no one knows how they handle their affairs any more. She made her husband understand that he trained her and her money is simply his. With God on her side, school business in Lagos is very lucrative and being the hardworking type she has been able to get sponsorship from Cowbell and the likes.

They started assisting each other financially, spiritually and all the -lly’s you can think of.  Her husband’s business booms and they both live comfortably and very happy. Above all, they turned out to be best friends and are inseparable.

She did not forget to tell me that some of their friends and even few relatives were not happy with their progress. Besides, there is no word in her dictionary like ‘close or best friend.’ Her husband is now her all-in-one. She also mentioned how vital sex is in marriage, owing to the fact that men love sex and how she continually prays for Gods grace upon her family.

Remember, we were still in the bus. She alighted at Berger and I tiredly started looking around through the window  to the lovely views of Lagos. The journey was a very long one but I enjoyed it.

Lastly, I thank God for a smooth and safe journey.

Follow @AyinotuV

Being Patient.

Amidst the struggles in life
Always be patient and keep faith.

At times, it can be very difficult trying to be patient.
There are moments we seem to be eaten-up by the silence of patience.
But what happens when you try to push and worsen the situation?

It is not always easy being on a queue.
Especially, when you do not know:
How long it will last,
The length of the queue,
And when there is no known time-frame for each participant,
Or perhaps if there could be any disruption.

Most times, we might wish we are on the fast lane,
Not knowing what the future has in stock for us.
We might wish we have the power to take others off our way
Not realising the fact that their time might not be appropriate for us.

Some people bear Patience- Ndidiamaka in my mother tongue
Is that an indication that they are truly endowed with this divine virtue?
Does the word reflect on their life experiences?
I wish I can answer that or you can tell better…

All you have to do is to exercise patience
Because God is in control and only His will comes to pass.

Breathe in faith, breathe out doubts.
Patience is a virtue.


Your Road is Not mine.

In life, we seek different things.
And that tends to direct our various pathways.
We set goals
And work earnestly to see them accomplished.

No matter how long it takes
Where it leads us to
Irrespective of what we encounter
We remain focused

As humans, who are diverse in nature
And almost insatiable
We quest for better ways
Long for everything good throughout our lifetime.

Most times encountering difficulties
There are times we almost gave-up
Thinking we cannot go any longer
But we never did.

Some people’s road might be straight
Some with bends
A few hilly
Others seem to be mixed up.

What matters is that we all have purpose
We know we are heading somewhere
You might be there now
I am right behind you.
Follow your road and I follow mine
That we are not on the same path
Does not mean I am on the wrong track
Neither does it say that I am lost.

Kids are Gift from God.

An Image Slideshow
I had a wonderful Thursday when I visited St Angela Day care. The kids were all lovely and adorable. I really had a nice time there and I think am beginning to envy those that spend their whole day working with kids. In my opinion, it implies that they hardly get angry and have to be in play mood most times. 
They do not shout to these kids or even smack them when they misbehave, rather they correct them in a calm and polite manner. They do this on daily basis, monthly, and for many years? What an essential ingredient for happiness and longevity.
 I had a chat with a Rev. Sr friend of mine, the person who actually invited me. She said Vivien can you believe I have been working with kids for over 35 years? How have you been coping with different kids from different backgrounds and perhaps values as well? I screamed. In response, she said that the kids they have here in England are few and not that difficult to manage, unlike her experience while she was in Malta.
She took me round the whole place and I loved their choice of colours. Everywhere was so colourful and very neat. The pink toilet was charming (maybe you could have lunch there). Their play room and garden were lovely. They had a roaster for daily activities which varies throughout the week.  Some of these activities include: Daily roll call, singing and playing instruments, educative talk by a staff, recreation, sleep, watching educating videos, listening to music from different countries and so on.
In Malta, she worked in an Orphanage. According to her, there were always many kids to carter for and they all need to be shown love and affection. She mentioned  a case of a baby whose parents got drowned in a river and another who was brought to them from  a river as well with no name and no known country of origin. Those children live on the generous donations of people.
 God takes care of them because they are His own. 

.

 

An Image Slideshow

Snow white.

It has been snow, snow, snow all the way.
The view is beautiful and lovely.
It’s whitish colour remains spotless,
so immaculate and incomparable.
Mid-day. My neighborhood.
No one knows what heaven looks like
but these days of snow and the peculiar views it leaves on places
instilled a special picture into my head.
Hope am not in fantasy world…
Night view. My neighborhood.
People wrap-up completely with hands gloves,
 All in bid to avoid catching cold.
Everywhere looks angelic.
I wonder what it would feel like
 if one wears summer wears under this extremely cold weather.
Perhaps that individual might freeze
and at some point require emergency services.
Car park.
Hahaha! More like it. Everywhere is totally covered by snow.
                                 Nevertheless, it poses much problem.
                                 Many travelers are stranded in airports
                                 as their flights are being cancelled due to bad weather.
                                 Some are left with no choice than to spend nights in the airports.
                                 For Pedestrians, virgin snow has no problem
                                 but old one can be sticky and slippery, thereby causing falls.
                                 A serious fall can lead to injury.
                                 Vehicle drivers have their story too.
                                 They can get stuck, roads become slippery.
                                 There are many danger signs.
                                 Meanwhile, kids love snow
                                 and really do have fun despite the freeze.
                                 They make snowman and throw snow stones.
                                 They play hide and seek under the snow
                                 and take lots of pictures.
                                 Some adults do a bit of that too.
Kids playing and others taking pictures in Finsbury Park.

‘Huge Nigeria’

I ran into a Brasilian, we got talking and exchanging one or two ideas about ourselves and where we are from.

She said she is from Brasil and mentioned her hometown, which I cannnot even remember anymore.

At some point in our discussion I said I am from Nigeria in Africa.
Do you know there? I asked.
“Nigeria is such a huge country who doesn’t know there”, she replied.
I was like really ? But we didn’t talk further about our countries again.

Well, I hope that ‘huge’ actually means good or simply denotes positive trends. Maybe I should have said, emm… Sorry, huge in what sense do you mean?

Nevertheless, am glad I never asked.

alpha beach in Lagos, Nigeria - lagos, Lagos
My lovely People.
Alpha beach in Lagos.

Man must survive. Pure organics.

The need for a better life.

Just read the story of a 17year old Alice Pyne who died today after battling with a terminal cancer for five years.Her story was such a captivating one as she drew a list of various activities she needed to do before falling prey to death. Amongst these chains of activities were;

  • o get everyone eligible to join a bone marrow register
  • To get EVERYONE to have a bucket list
  • To get to the Royal Garden party in May
  • DONE – To buy a static caravan for my charity
  • DONE – To actually receive my B.E.M. medal
  • DONE – To go whale watching
  • DONE – To go to my school leavers prom
  • DONE – To meet Take That
  • DONE – To design a Emma Bridgewater Mug to sell for charity

To mention but a few, and she marked each one done when accomplished.Photos of me

One of that her updates that lured me into reading lots of her write-ups was a particular day she had difficulty in blogging and was pleading to everyone to help to her tweet “onelifeliveit” and link it to her blog.You won’t believe she mentioned spelling life and live correctly as it wouldn’t make sense when spelt wrong.According to her,the tweet was to help raise funds and create awareness for her charity. Meannwhile, She and her mother have been driving her round the town in search of unlocked wifi signal.

What a strong character.

I like seeing inspiring people especially when it happens to be young person.I wonder the kind of confidence these kids possess because I recollect another story of a little boy who was struggling with his life too and wished he could see as many sports cars  as possible, which through the help of his father’s online page was a huge success as more than 2,000 cars made it, and the little boy was overjoyed. He passed away few days afterwards. The interesting part is that they usually channel such acts to charity, thereby helping other numerous victims.

Life needs to be enjoyed to its fullest as nobody is certain of the exact day the curtain will be drawn.
Based on the fact that death is inevitable and can strike at any time, irrespective of the age, it leaves me no choice than to wonder why we find it difficult to help each other in the little ways we can to make life less stressful, at least.

In my opinion, these aforementioned kids are in Countries where they have great support systems.They have family, relatives, friends, health personnel, and of utmost important the government to carter for them and this goes a long way to help them live a  happy and fulfilled life before their premature deaths. In such cases, Victims are faced mainly with circumstances surrounding their ailment and / or management procedures and no added problem of poverty, ignorance and so on, which is the trend in most countries.

Unfortunately, they lived for a short period yet they tend to leave a legacy which many people cannot achieve even at old age.Their good deeds touched lives in peculiar ways and they are and will always be  remembered and celebrated.

My heartfelt sympathy goes to all sufferers of terminal illnesses (cancer) especially, kids who live in the remote parts of the world or under-developed countries. I think of them because their story takes a different turn, their illness might not be diagnosed, niether treated nor managed. They perceive life as filled with pain, sadness and torture while awaiting the day the gnawing teeth of death will bite them.

There are certain contributions that we can make in our various societies to enable others live a happy and satisfactory lives. It will be very useful, no matter how little. If only The government and leaders of most countries are fully aware of the ill-effects of their governance on their citizens, they will be forced to have a rethink and do what is expected of them.

Will they? I guess they will not, owing to the fact that their decisions project acts of extreme selfishness, embezzlement and corruption. Maybe they still can change someday.
What a world! The rich enjoys life and the poor suffers till death.

God help Us all. One love.
#Thinking out loud#